Garden-Safe, Wildlife-Kind: Humane Evictions for Yards, Beds & Sheds

Part 1 of the Living With Wildlife (Without Losing Your Mind) Series

Hey there, human. Lydia here—reformed garden trespasser, current wildlife wisdom-sharer, and your four-hooved friend who knows a thing or two about both sides of the fence (literally).

Look, I get it. Yesterday you had a pristine garden. Today? It looks like someone threw a wildlife house party and forgot to clean up. Whether it's my cousin Grady the groundhog remodeling under your deck, the rabbit mafia running a lettuce laundering operation, or those chipmunks treating your tulip bulbs like buried treasure—you need solutions that work. 

But here's the thing: we animals aren't trying to be jerks. We're just looking for a safe spot to crash or a decent meal (your hostas taste divine, by the way). The good news? You can send us packing nicely without turning into the neighborhood's wildlife villain.

First Things First: Don't Be That Human

Before you go all DIY wildlife bouncer, let me drop some wisdom that'll keep you out of trouble:

Birds Are Special Snowflakes (Legally Speaking)

Those feathered freeloaders nesting in your eaves? Under the Migratory Bird Treaty Act, they've got more legal protection than your average Hollywood celebrity. You can't touch active nests with eggs or chicks—except for the troublemaker trio: house sparrows, European starlings, and rock pigeons. Trust me, you don't want federal agents knocking because you evicted a robin family. What would the neighbors say?!

Bats Have Maternity Leave

Speaking of timing, bats get maternity season protection in many states. In Florida, for instance, you can only install exclusion devices from August 15 to April 15. The rest of the year? Those mamas are raising babies, and you're waiting. Check your state's rules unless you want to be the monster who separated bat babies from their moms.

Health Stuff That'll Make You Say "Ew"

Listen, I may eat off the ground, but even I know raccoon latrines are nasty business. They can carry Baylisascaris (fancy word for brain-invading roundworm—yeah, it's as bad as it looks). And rabies? That's mostly a bat, raccoon, skunk, and fox thing. So gear up with gloves and masks, and keep the kids away. This isn't a petting zoo situation.

Mothballs Are Not the Answer

I see you reaching for those mothballs, and STOP. Using them outdoors as repellents is illegal and about as smart as using a flamethrower to light birthday candles. Just don't.

A Backyard Who Done It

Before you can evict your uninvited guests, you need to know who they are. Time to channel your inner detective:

• Fresh soil mounds + oval entrance = skunk or groundhog (Grady says hi)

• Small tracks with tail drag marks = opossum (those guys are actually pretty chill)

• Clean 45° bites on stems + pea-sized pellets = rabbits (the veggie vandals)

• Bulbs dug up like pirate treasure = chipmunks (tiny but mighty destructive)

Pro tip from someone with a nose 10,000x better than yours: Sprinkle flour at suspected entrances at dusk, check for footprints in the morning. Or try the old newspaper test—loosely stuff paper in the opening. If it moves, someone's home.

To continue developing your detective skills, read my post Who Dug This Hole? Your Garden CSI Starts Here. 

The Evict-Then-Exclude Playbook (AKA How to Be a Firm But Fair Landlord)

A) Under Decks, Porches & Sheds (Prime Real Estate for the Furry Set)

This is where things get interesting. You've got tenants who didn't sign a lease, and now you're the property manager nobody asked for.

Step 1: Pre-Seal Like You Mean It

Wrap that base with galvanized hardware cloth. Think of it as gift-wrapping your deck, but instead of a bow, you're leaving one strategic opening. Fasten every 8-12 inches because trust me, we animals are persistent when we smell opportunity (or leftover BBQ).

Step 2: The One-Way Door (Exit Only, No Re-Entry)

Install a one-way door at that opening. It's like a wildlife bouncer that only works in one direction. "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." Leave it for several nights—we're creatures of habit and need time to get the message.

Step 3: The L-Footer (Your Secret Weapon Against Diggers)

Once everyone's out, it's time for the L-footer—basically an underground "nope" barrier. You've got two options:

• Buried trench screen: Dig down 10-12 inches and bury that mesh

• Surface L-footer: Extend mesh 12-18 inches horizontally at ground level (perfect when digging makes you want to cry)

Step 4: Victory Lap

After a few quiet days with no tracks or midnight scratching concerts, remove the one-way door and seal that last opening. Congratulations, you've successfully served an eviction notice that even I respect.

B) Garden Beds & Fences (Protecting Your Salad Bar)

For My Rabbit Friends (The Lettuce Laundering Crew):

Those clean 45° bites on your stems? Classic rabbit calling card. Build a 2-foot fence with mesh no bigger than 1 inch. Pin it tight to the ground because rabbits are basically furry Houdinis. In snow country? Go higher—they use snowbanks as step ladders.

For Cousin Grady the Groundhog:

These guys will dig under anything faster than you can say "vegetable garden." You need that L-footer defense system—12 inches down or 12-18 inches out. Grady once told me he gave up on a garden with a good L-footer and found easier pickings down the street.

For the Chipmunk Mafia:

Line your beds with ¼-inch hardware cloth like you're building Fort Knox for flowers. Extend it a foot past your planting area because chipmunks are surprisingly good at geometry.

C) Why Your Yard Is the Hot Spot (Spoiler: You're Enabling Us)

Let me be brutally honest here—you're probably running an all-you-can-eat wildlife buffet without knowing it:

• Unsecured trash = Raccoon happy hour

• Pet food outside = Free continental breakfast

• Fallen fruit = Dessert station

• Open compost = Salad bar

Lock it up, bring it in, pick it up, secure it down. We're opportunists, not criminals—remove the opportunity, and we'll find somewhere else to dine.

What NOT to Do (Learn from Others' Mistakes)

• Mothballs: Already covered this, but seriously, NO.

• Blocking without checking: Trapping babies inside makes you the villain in every Disney movie.

• Ignoring the ick factor: Raccoon poop isn't just gross; it's potentially brain-worm gross. Suit up.

• Going nuclear: That ultrasonic device you bought online? We laugh at those.

DIY or Call in the Pros?

You've got this if:

• It's a single den under an accessible deck

• No baby sounds (they're not subtle)

• You can clearly see what you're dealing with

Call for backup when:

• Multiple dens (it's a wildlife apartment complex)

• Babies are involved (reuniting families isn't amateur hour)

• Bats (just... bats)

• Native bird nests (remember those federal agents and the resulting neighborhood gossip?)

The Bottom Line from Your Friendly Neighborhood Deer

We're not trying to ruin your day—we're just trying to live our lives. But I get it, you don't want Grady redecorating under your deck or the rabbit gang treating your garden like their personal produce section.

The secret? Make your space less appealing before we move in. Once we're there, evict us humanely and then lock it down tight. No harm, no foul, no federal charges.

Hooves and hugs,

Lydia